NCM discourages men from getting married. There have been some great posts in the manosphere that list all the reasons why modern day marriage sucks for men. If one were to look at just the legal and social implications associated with marriage and the losses garnered by todays divorce law, and transpose that to how corporations merge today, any business lawyer would strenuously object to anyone taking the “deal” that marriage offers.
With that said, there will be men who will choose marriage. Everyone has to think very seriously about what their particular relationship needs to progress. Who knows, maybe when I’m older I will re-evaluate my own situation and if I find myself in a relationship that mirrors and respects the traditional role of the man and woman should have, I’m always open to adapting.
TNCM strongly suggests that if you are heading in the marriage direction, that you do your “due diligence”. This is a term where corporations that are raising investment funding, merging or are being bought by larger corporations have their asses opened up to inspection. It’s tedious but it allows the entity making the investment in time and money to know exactly what they are getting into before pulling the trigger.
Things that you should consider:
Get the credit history of your potential partner. Knowing their history of credit management and their ability to manage their finances plays a big part in whether the two of you will have financial difficulties in the future. Point blank, if you respect the power of money, you do not want to be tied to someone who doesn’t mirror the same attributes. This credit check allows you to see late payments, overdraft charges, and any property or cars that were returned in the last 10-15 years. Look at student loans also as a clue to their mastery of money.
All debts should be paid. Do not marry anyone with debt. Period.Wait until it’s paid off before marrying.
Get a criminal back ground check on the person. Start of with state background and get a federal background as well. If they lived in another part of the country, you want to be able to take a glance at their life before you met. You also want to see if they are someone who has made battery claims, rape accusations AND also has a proclivity to filing lawsuits for perceived injuries or harassment.
A history of drug use is also important. You need to know if that person has any drug possession charges and/or drunk driving convictions. If you are with someone who admits to having been hooked to heroin, meth or crack, these past behaviors can present problems in the future such as lowered immunity levels that can lead to them being susceptible to infections and general ill health (higher health costs). Also, find out how many abortions she’s had. If you want kids later on, you will need to hear from a doctor that she can actually have children. ( and don’t take her word for it, speak to the doctor).
I personally know a person who used heroin for a period of time prior to their hooking up with her present day husband and she is always sick. Their insurance premiums are high and he has had to borrow money to pay for treatment that insurance doesn’t cover.
Disease. The person mentioned above also had Lyme disease (she was unaware) and passed it on to her husband and child. The child also has immuno difficulties and is constantly having to be monitored when he gets a fever or cold. He’s been in the hospital many times. Getting a full STD panel can also reduce the chance of acquiring something from their past that can’t be cured with cream or antibiotics. Getting checked for the 4H’s (HIV/HEP C/HPV/HERPES) is a necessity today. Knowing the history of her family’s genetic propensity towards certain diseases can help prepare you for those future costs and at least give you a road map for getting the proper testing to track these conditions.
A psychiatric exam is highly recommended as well. Any history of problems can come back to bite you. Honestly, good mental health is a priority today especially if she is to be the mother of your children. Find out if she has been in therapy or been prescribed psychotropic drugs.
The last thing I recommend is to start an LLC corporation for any future acquisition of property. Buying a home, income property or even leasing cars will be better served and make dissolution easier to get through if shit hits the fan. (In fact, I recommend starting an LLC with your partner from day one as opposed to marrying them. That way any property sold can be split 50/50 once the LLC is terminated.)
Once you have done these things, you should have a much more transparent view of who and what you are getting into marriage with. I believe the debt/criminal history/drug use are non-negotiable categories. If they balk at these, they are coming from a place that is emotional instead of common sense. And to be sure, you had better be transparent yourself and be prepared to defend or explain any discrepancies you may have.
The point is to make the marriage as open book as possible so that you can enjoy being with that person as opposed to wondering if you really know that individual.