Control your urge to nest

If you are in your thirties and are reading this blog, you may invariably have been through a couple break ups of LTR’s. You may even have made the mistake of living with a LTR in your place or hers.

First things first. You will feel like shit. If you heeded my advice in my previous post, you should have left with the bare essentials needed to live. You should have walked out that door and left everything behind- furniture, boxes of ‘treasured possessions’, all the shit you accumulated over your blue pill life that you thought was so important to you and the success of having “arrived.”

Now, I have to admit, standing in the middle of a newly rented bare apartment can be overwhelming. Your initial reaction will be continue in the nesting behavior you developed with your GF or the “accumulation fetish” that Americans have been inculcated with in the last fifty years.

You will need to fight this urge. It will lead you to another chapter in your life that will enslave you and hinder your actualization of being a free man- having a minimal amount of possessions to stress about when you decide to take off for a month or two to another part of the world.

Other than a bed and some kitchen items, you don’t NEED anything else.

“FUCK YOU”, you’re thinking. “You want me to live in an apartment with no furniture, no TV, no couches, tables, lamps? How the fuck am I supposed to entertain my friends and whatever girls I bring over?”

Well, not exactly. What I am saying to you is that initial urge to go out and buy all new stuff to make your place look  lived in and comfortable is an emotional urge. It really is something you’ve learned as a behavior instead of as a response to actual NEED.

“You’re out of your tree, dude. I’m done listening to your bullshit.” Very understandable response.

Let me offer another scenario to you.

Consider it a new office you just moved into. You are now starting “You, Inc.”

“You, Inc.” is where you will be sleeping, educating yourself and possibly working from. You should already have a job earning money to pay  you first and then your overhead. Out of each check you should put 30% away immediately, not to be touched. You figure out how to live off the remaining 70% of your check.

Your overhead for “You, Inc.” should be low. Take the time to sit down and figure where all your spending is going to. Lower your costs.

You won’t be wasting your time watching serial TV shows or reality shows or sports for that matter. There is nothing wrong in wanting a little entertainment but most people just shut themselves in and gorge themselves on way too much content. Use Redbox or Netflix and watch a movie or two a week or a favorite TV show. I personally like House of Cards and Friday Night Lights. I actually study these shows in terms of character development, plot arc (for writing purposes) and cinematography ( my new interest.) You want to watch a game? Go to the nearest bar that has 7’s and above, large screen TV’s and watch it there. At least you can open some girls while enjoying a brewski and a good game.

The rest of your time at “You, Inc.” you should be sleeping, eating, educating yourself on something that is a skill or passion ( language, guitar, photography, code writing, marketing, welding, whatever). That’s your class time.

You should also be figuring out a new start up in order to make additional revenue. Victor Pride at BoldandDetermined has some very good info on how to do just that. There are others as well. That start up of yours will start HERE.

“But what if I bring a chick over? Where is she gonna sit?”

The great thing about not having furniture is that……wait for it………she can go lay on your bed*! Why would you have a girl over than to bang her? This isn’t a book club you’re running. And when she’s on your bed…..wait for it……sex is pretty much the only option. She wants to talk? Great, meet her at a cafe over coffee. Better yet, tell her to send you an email.

* ( and that bed better be a cal king size! DO NOT ever sleep in a queen! There are two reasons- guys need room to toss and turn AND 2) there is enough room for a three-way. You think I’m kidding? I’m not.)

Let me go back a bit. Really, the only thing you need to concern yourself with at this point is a few kitchen items- stuff for cooking and eating, some new clean sheets and towels, a nightstand for a lamp and to put your watch, wallet and keys. If you have room for a table and chairs in the kitchen, pick up a used dining set and make that your work station. You can clear it off when the time comes to “entertain” your girl with a meal, if so inclined. (I like to cook so this is not a problem for me.)

You don’t need a dresser; your clothes and shoes should fit in one closet. If not, you need to throw some shit out.

You don’t need a couch; you’ll just lay on your ass on the weekends.

You don’t need a TV; see the last line above.

You don’t need a coffee table because you have no couch.

You don’t need a bookcase or media stand; you can install a shelf anywhere on your wall for your books. Or simply stack them on the floor. Who you trying to impress?

You don’t need curtains, plants, accent pieces, mirrors, console tables, area rugs or statues of Buddha.

You can paint this for less than a $100.

You can paint this for less than a $100.

In fact, the two things I suggest you do is- paint your new apartment in a neutral color ( because white walls are for art galleries) and buy a big piece of modern art (or two) at your local art fair. Don’t see anything you like? Then, buy three large canvases at your local art store and paint your own. I’m serious. You like Jackson Pollack? Then paint a copy of it and put it on your wall. Do that two more times.

Voila! Your place looks cool, minimalistic and has some flavor. Don’t worry about what anybody says. You tell them you’re starting over and concentrating your resources on your new business venture. Hopefully, you won’t be telling a lie.

The point of this post is to show you how to break out of your comfort level and give yourself the space and the freedom of mind to start creating the new and improved you. Think of it as your first day out of prison. The sky is the limit. Don’t drag yourself down again by falling into the trap millions fall into every day and every year.

Less is more. And having less to worry about means more to do in your life.


2 comments on “Control your urge to nest

  1. Brand new stuff or new to you; it doesn’t really matter. Either route is a purely emotional reaction to unfamiliar surroundings. Replacing the ‘accumulation’ action with a more positive ‘actualization’ mode I think is a better jumping off point for the guy looking to really change his pattern.
    Thanks for the comment! Keep checking in.

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