Beware of chicks with the “Noah Complex”

You’ve probably run into a few of these in your lifetime of dating. You meet some hot girl  and within minutes of talking to them they tell you that they either have their own pet rescue or are trying to start one. They want to save every animal on the planet.

Usually, they have volunteered in the past with some local pet rescue and now are looking “to do more” to help these “poor defenseless creatures.”

So, being tuned by our years of beta programming, we try and assimilate ourselves closely with her in hopes that we will bed them or maybe have them for a girlfriend. We say we love animals and maybe even volunteer to help them. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t like helping animals and banging hot chicks?

Don’t do it. Run away. Nod, say “you’re an angel” and slowly relegate them to the waste bin of “no use to you” chippys.

Now, let me qualify this. I love animals. I appreciate pets. I even had a dog for a long time that I rescued and was a great buddy. People loved him, he was chill, didn’t shed and just wanted to be around people. After our time together, I didn’t want another dog. He was the best. I’m tearing up just thinking about him.

And I never would have met him if it weren’t for my girlfriend at the time who had a penchant for rescuing dogs. But as our four year relationship eventually ended and I was able to look back and see where things got out of hand, one of the biggest reasons was the fact that she adopted the NOAH complex. They want to save every animal.

You’re familiar with the story of Noah, right? Guy builds an ark and boards animals in order to repopulate the known earth after a deluge is predicted. He was the only one who did this. Without his actions, we’d probably wouldn’t be here. The world owes its gratitude to Noah. Okay, enough with the story.

So, girls who adopt the NOAH complex have a bit of the same qualities I’ve seen exhibited. I’ve known and continue to know many of these girls. I see patterns. With my time during the four year relationship with said ex, we moved to a home with a large tract of land, we built kennels in the back ( as many as the zoning allowed), we volunteered at pet rescue days at various malls and what have you, we even kept the small dogs in the house. I would estimate we had at one time 23 dogs, 5 pigs that were rescued and housed by us. Life became all about the dogs. Cleaning up, feeding, vet visits, caring, attention, playing with them and finding them homes and interviewing potential owners.

It was a lot of work. More then I signed on for when I first started dating her. Ironically, she was a Pet herself, Penthouse Pet that is. Beautiful girl and sex was awesome. Until the sex became less frequent. Until we had 6 small dogs sleeping in the bed with us at night. Until we had to run from the dogs to get into a room alone and hear them barking and scratching at the door because they were always following her around. Until the house was always in need of cleaning. Until old feeble blind dogs were taking their last breaths. Until we lost 4 Rottweiler puppies to parvo.

See, we didn’t just get any dogs. We got the ones that were at shelters and were about to be put down. Dogs with mysterious behavioral problems, separation anxiety, missing legs, bladder problems, cancers. The list goes on. It was an emotional time to be around them. You get invested in them. They become your life. Much like children, you are always having to be aware of what they are doing.

And to reiterate, when we split, I was really bothered by the fact that I thought they would miss me and wonder why I left. See, we give emotional traits to animal that mirror our traits. Rest assured they need shelter, they need to know they’re going to be fed and given some attention. All the other ’emotions’ are trivial if they even exist. These are our emotions we project on to them.

There are traits these women have that repeatedly have shown themselves to me.

-Aging beauty syndrome

They usually are or were very attractive women who made their living off their looks or body or both. Many are bitter about their experiences or the fact they got old. Now, as they aren’t getting the same attention as before, they adopt a vehicle for getting the accolades and affirmation they once received but this time it’s “for their hearts”, not their looks. No better way than to rescue animals.

-irrational, dysfunctional and emotional

They are mostly very irrational in their thinking, dysfunctional in their relationships and emotional in their decisions. Many have personality disorders to some extent or another. Maybe even bipolar or borderline schizophrenia.

-they substitute relationships with men for relationships with animals

Many have chosen men who were abusive to them or who discarded them for younger women. Or the men just tired of their craziness.

-they try to recruit you or your friends to “help out”

They impose on your time regardless of whether you are doing more high value work or of social responsibilities.

-they ask you to help find homes for the animals or take care of them until they find them a home

They impose these animals into your own domain because they don’t have the space or facilities to do it.

-of all the problems in the world, they choose this one to rally around

Saving animals is important AND it is one of the many issues that we should address as a species. Let’s start with people taking animals as pets in the first place. Like 3 or 4 in an apartment.

-they are bad at business

Rescuing is an expensive proposition with no ceiling for costs. They rely on their own funds and donations from other people. In a tough economic time, that is not a wise and reliable way to raise funds.

-they are a time suck

They always have something going on and it doesn’t revolve around you getting face to face time with them.

-usually their homes are a mess

Animals are not clean. They get sick, piss and shit in your home and tear up furniture.

-they sit as a high moral judge

If you aren’t saving animals than you must be a selfish person with low values.

-they identify more with the victim frame

Most of these animals are victims of neglect and abuse. They feel like they have something in common with these animals.

-No one else is doing it correctly; only they are

I’ve always heard from these people how so and so isn’t doing this or that right and that they have it all figured out. Until Animal Control comes in and takes their animals because of insufficient boarding space.


Next time you are passing by a pet adoption stand and some beautiful girl starts chatting you up as you play with a dog or cat, smile and tell them, “You’re an angel” and pass on by. And don’t even think about banging them. Leave to another sucker.



Post script- Hours after posting this, I saw one of these chicks that I know posted this on her FB. A degree in animal rescue? Really???

rescue chicks





3 comments on “Beware of chicks with the “Noah Complex”


  2. Everyone has met one of these self-righteous nutters. It is just another example of silly liberalism and having WAY too much time on one’s hands. Seriously of all the horrible things going on in the world to HUMAN BEINGS and these idiots think they are doing God’s work messing with cats and dogs. Like all the hollywood PETA bufoons who couldn’t care less about people get blown up all over the place for NATO, UN, and big business interests but shout someone down if they were a fur like the person just committed murder. What joke the USA is these days. American women are neurotic.

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